Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Being Mary Jane - Love's Addiction Week Three

Love, sex, drugs, food, and approval from others are many addictions that people suffer from. In this week's episode of #BeingMaryJane Patrick, Mary Jane's brother finds out about Mary Jane and Andre's relationship. The plot THICKENS (*grabs popcorn*). He accuses Mary Jane of being an addict. #RudeBoy Patrick exclaims that Andre is filling a void. "He says he loves me and I believe it," exclaims Mary Jane. How many women have fallen for these lies? *raises hand*. In last week's post I concluded based on Andres act of proposal that he loves MJ. My friend who is a counselor, Magda Demeritt (@1dfulcounselor) responded stating that "men sacrifice for who they love." What has Andre sacrificed to be in a relationship with Mary Jane? It appears as though Mary Jane is giving up the most valuable assets; her body and integrity.

Passion, secrets, lies and the thrill of the affair, are all possible reasons why women engage in relationships with men who are married and emotionally unavailable. But let the truth be told, once you engage in sexual relationships the concept of clarity, common sense and moral integrity are not important. You JUST want him/her ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. This led me to peruse information on soul ties. Here's what I located:

The Bible speaks of what is today known as soul ties. In the Bible, it doesn't use the word soul tie, but it speaks of them when it talks about souls being knit together, becoming one flesh, etc. A soul tie can serve many functions, but in it's simplest form, it ties two souls together in the spiritual realm. Soul ties between married couples draw them together like magnets, while soul ties between fornicators can draw a beaten and abused woman to the man which in the natural realm she would hate and run from, but instead she runs to him even though he doesn't love her, and treats her like dirt.  

Soul ties are formed through sexual relations, close relationships and vows, commitments and agreements. 

How to break soul ties

1. If any sins were committed to cause this soul tie, repent of them! Fornication is perhaps one of the most common ways to create nasty soul ties. Stop having sex with him/her.
2. If gifts were given to you by the other person in connection with the sin or unholy relationship, such as rings, flowers, cards, bras, etc. I would get rid of them! Such things symbolize the ungodly relationship, and can hold a soul tie in place.
3. Any rash vows or commitments made that played a part in forming the soul tie should be renounced and repented of, and broken in Jesus' name
4. Forgive that person if you have anything against them.
5. Renounce the soul tie. Do this verbally, and in Jesus' name. Example, "In Jesus' name, I now renounce any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and ______ as a result of _______________ (fornication, etc.)."
6. Break the soul tie in Jesus' name! Do this verbally using your authority in Jesus. Example, "I now break and sever any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and _________ as a result of ______________ (fornication, etc.) in Jesus' name."

It is not my attempt to become "churchy" or "religious" in this post, but this ish is real! I wanted to share with you the depth of soul ties. This thing is real people and it goes far deeper than five minutes of pleasure. It is why women stay with men for years and never get married. Why women have baby after baby after baby from the same man with hopes of marriage. Why men stay in unhealthy relationships knowing that their significant other is cheating. Sex clouds our judgements. Let's get back to the basics of friendship, dating, courting and love. 

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

What's your addiction?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Being Mary Jane Week Two

"The woman who catches a man's eye earns a purse, the woman that captures his heart earns his world." Chris Brew. It is apparent from this week's episode of #BeingMaryJane that Andre loves Mary Jane. His wife can see it. That has to be a hard pill to swallow. So if Andre loves Mary Jane, is it safe to conclude that cheating on his wife was not about sex or an "outlet"? So, I'm CONFUSED, not by the show, but by the dynamics of men. How they think, rationalize actions. It makes no sense. I wish life came with a male dictionary and thesaurus. The statement, "I was going to tell you, but..." would be explained. Last week I stated this on my blog post and I believe it is so true; If men would just be honest with us so much confusion could be avoided. One of my favorite songs by Lauryn Hill excaims "it could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard." Why Lord, why must men make it hard? Will the real men please stand up.

In this episode, Andre proposes to Mary Jane. I won't lie I wasn't expecting this, especially after the intimate gym scene last week. I thought ok so dude must really love Mary Jane. Mmmh interesante, in my Spanish accent. Should Mary Jane be elated? Would you? It would confuse the hexx out of me. #Imjustbeinghonest Mary Jane has desires to become married, but who would desire it to be surrounded by so much controversy. I don't believe any woman wants it in that matter. I asked my twitter followers, do all women desire to be married. I am beginning to believe that they don't. There are some women who have been disappointed, disrespected and cheated on by men that they result to homosexuality, engaging in relationships with married men and have simply ruled out the possibility of being married. Whatever the case maybe, I believe we must regain our power. Women we have power! Men only treat us, how we allow them to treat us. Set the tone for what you want. If you don't desire to have sex on the first date, don't have sex. If you desire to wait until marriage to engage in sexual relations, then wait. The right man will support this decision. Ladies I implore you, DO NOT settle for less than what you deserve. This is my mantra and I apply it to every area in my life. I WILL NOT SETTLE! Will you?

Until next week.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Being Mary Jane

Last night over 5 million viewers tuned in to watch the return of the highly anticipated drama series, Being Mary Jane, BET's first original drama. Created by Mara Brock Akil, the visionary behind Girlfriends and The Game this drama evokes so many emotions. The beautiful and talented actress Gabrielle Union plays Mary Jane, a successful high powered talk show host.  Mary Jane searches for love, but finds a man not wanting to commit and a man already in a committed relationship. 

I love the realness of Mary Jane. I think all viewers can relate to at least one challenge or issue that Mary Jane encounters. Mara (I feel like I'm on a one name basis with her since she tweeted me before lol) has created a platform of dialogue discussing  love, sex, adultery, being a black woman in Corporate America, work life balance, suicide, teenage pregnancy, family issues and the list goes on and on.

From last night's episode I am left with a couple of challenging questions, which I hope some of my readers are able to answer. The character Andre, played by the uber so sexy Omari Hardwick (that man is fine, but I digress) is the man who Mary Jane meets and later finds out after she has invested time, emotions, her body and feelings that he is married with children. 

So I ask the question, can you be in love with two people???
In my opinion, love is a choice. It is a decision we choose to make. I choose to date ____.  I choose to invest time in a relationship with _____. No one forces these actions upon you. So if love is a choice, then loving two people simultaneously is possible. Please explain.

Why do men cheat??? Honestly, I really want to know. If you are unhappy in your marriage, why are you still married? I've heard some men say, I stayed for the children. I am not in agreement of children not growing up in a two parent home, but why would you sell your children a lie. If your marriage has hit rock bottom seek counseling and if counseling is unsuccessful put on your big man pants and call it quits. Make room for a relationship and marriage that will be successful.

I believe as women we appreciate honesty and sometimes men deprive us of that. I've been told before because I love you, I won't tell you the truth. Is that love or is that an act of cowardliness?

Share your thoughts on the issue. Feel free to comment.

I look forward to tweeting with you next week Tuesdays at 10pm sharp. Follow me on twitter @Lala_bangs and join the twitter conversation.