Spring Forward, Let Go and Let Love

Last night my girlfriends and I enjoyed the Series Finale for BET's rom-com show, Being Mary Jane. 

Davi, LaQuisha, myself and DJ

Accompanied with some wings and fine wine from V. Sattui (Nappy Valley) we discussed everything from love gained and lost, the importance of communication in a relationship, women's health issues and some other info that's not for public consumption. (touch your nose) I have been a loyal fan of this show since it's first tv appearance in 2013 and last night's conclusion was what we all wanted for MJ and honestly for ourselves. Someone to love us for who we are, baggage and all! With insecurities and faults, whether we prefer Jodeci over Boyz II Men or if a trip to Coldstone makes us happy. We just want to be seen by the person who we love and be one of their priorities. 

I shared on the radio last week, that I feel different about my season of singleness this time around. I feel compelled to share my personal challenges and empower women to be encouraged in this area as well. As I'm saying this over the radio the tears started to flow and I am now on live radio and not to mention Instagram Live ugly crying. At first, I felt embarrassed and wondered where did all of these emotions come from, but what God showed me in that moment was that He was fully in control. Because who wants to cry over the air waves and on IG live. NOBODY! God showed me that He's doing the internal work in me to take me to the next level. I'm taking the pain from this process of singleness and turning it into purpose. If nothing else comes from me sharing my singleness journey, healing must take place.

Pauletta Patterson AKA Mary Jane Paul played by the oh so fabulous Gabrielle Union-Wade, resonates with so many women, because at one point in our lives we have been MJ, know someone like her or dated one of her many suitors: Lee, Dre or Beau.  

As a believer, I celebrate Resurrection Sunday (Easter) and the season of lent. For lent this year I gave up being in control of what I thought should happen, who I thought it should happen with and when it should happen. Subsequently, what transpired on the radio last week was God illustrating to me that I finally let Him have full sovereignty over my life. I really let go! Yesssss. And it felt liberating!

Whether it’s a relationship, a state of mind or a bad habit, the Resurrection season symbolizes the end of a season and the fresh beginning of something new! Throughout this singleness season I have been asking God, "What are you already doing in my life in this area?"  I believe that God is preparing me for my mate. I understand that it is what you do in your waiting season that matters the most.

The Being Mary Jane series finale started where it left off on Season 4 with Justin proposing to MJ. MJ accepted his proposal, however in their break up time, which was only 48 hours MJ had artificial insemination. Mary Jane didn't give up on her desire to be a mother, because her relationship with Justin ended temporarily. After Justin's proposal MJ shared with him that she was pregnant and his response was unfavorable.

It only took 48 hours for MJ's life to change! I make reference to this point in the show because, it only takes a second for God to change your relationship status, zip code or bank account balance, and it may also only take 48 hours for you to meet someone who is ready for a commitment. And that is exactly what happened to MJ! Her ex college boo Beau came into the picture and helped MJ during her pregnancy and after giving birth to AJ. Your life shouldn't be on hold or stop because of someones unreadiness. 

In the end Mary Jane got it all! Justin and MJ found their way back to each other and married. MJ did the internal work, didn't settle and was honest about what she wanted. However, did it take for Justin to see Mary Jane in a relationship with Beau for him to realize that he loved her and was now ready? Maybe fear was a factor, but love is so powerful that it overrides fear.

In the words of Mary Jane Paul, "Let go and let love. Because the second you get out of your own way and stop orchestrating, it just happens."

Step In ...

Sunday, March 31 my parents celebrated 35 years of marriage. Who new that on the very next day, April 1 my dad would drive himself to the ER, be asked to stay for observation and not leave until Tuesday night. Emphasis on LEAVE!

While I waited with my daddy on Tuesday, he couldn't understand why the doctors and nurses were taking so long with his test results. He felt like he was fine and was more than ready to be in the comfort of his home. It had gotten to a point where he almost removed the IV from his arm and threatened to walk out. At this juncture, I had to call upper management, my momma to get him to relax and be patient! 

Eventually my poppa was discharged and I drove him home. On the way home,  I was providing my mother an update on the discharge when God illustrated a significant point. He showed me the lesson he was trying to show me through my father. The patience I needed my father to have with his hospital situation, was the very same patience God was requiring of me in my season of singleness. Really God! So you're going to use one of my heartbeats to make a point. I get it! I need to patient. I need to trust the process. I need not to take matters into my own hands. I need to trust you whole heartedly. I need to wait for the results to come back after you have diagnosed my heart, healed it, and directed me to a safe space to love again.

Last week God dropped in my spirit, that my singleness journey was not a punishment, but a process. A process that can't be overridden or overlooked, but necessary for the victory on the other side of this temporary season! Ladies and gentleman, it's how you wait that matters! How will you wait for God to send your mate? What does waiting for your mate look like for you? Are you traveling, investing in your personal and professional development? Are you living your best life? Will you wait for them with expectancy? I dream and expect a love so pure, honest, loving, divinely connected, intimate, romantic, meaningful, purposeful, empowering, uplifting and perfect for us. I speak as if I'm boo'd up already! "I look forward to bae and I traveling together and I can't wait for bae and I to try this new brunch spot". That's how I'm speaking prophetically in this second quarter of 2019!

I realized recently that I was attracting the quality of men in my life according to the value and worth that I saw in myself. Now that was moment! Let me get these vibes together, so my honey can walk into my life with his fine, smart, Godly self!

As I invest in my personal development, I'm reading the book "Believe Bigger" by Marshawn Evans Daniels. In one of her aha chapters (because the entire book is fye), she states,  "He will show up when you step in".  I am stepping fully into my calling of empowering men and women in the area of love and business. 

On Sunday, March 31 God not only showed his had in my parents marriage, but He also provided me with hope on my own personal journey. Love is for me and I will obtain the love I desire in His timing. 

Feelings, Navigation & Singleness

A lot has transpired in my world since my last blog post of catching flights and not feelings. Let me fill you in!

I celebrated Black History Month at the NoMi Fest with artists: Chantae Moore, 112, Teenarr, Crystal Waters and Az Yet and enjoyed a wonderful evening of live music and good company! 

NoMi Fest photos by Godfrey Mead @jr_photo

Rolling over into the month of March and it was as busy as it could be! I worked the 14th Jazz in the Gardens Music Festival presented by the City of Miami Gardens and was afforded the amazing opportunity to meet one of my favs - fellow Rattler Rashan Ali from Sister Circle, Stephanie Mills and so many other boss babes. 

The 2019 Jazz in the Gardens

 

Women's Impact Luncheon                            Stephanie Mills

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       Behind the Scenes                        With some of the Cox Media Personalities

Got my groove on, as if I lost it lol at Groove Thang Miami with the T.R. L. Group. Good vibes all around!

Groove Thang at Lounge 35 in Midtown Miami

Took Momma Petit to the Miami Open for her birthday and while I searched for Qai Qai, we watched Venus Williams win her match at the grandstand. We were even blessed with stadium tickets. Won't He upgrade you!

Miami Open 2019 | Hard Rock Stadium

   Living my Best Life            Searching for Qai Qai

As I work through my feelings and navigate this season of singleness, I am adamant about not allowing my relationship status to prohibit me from enjoying life. People always say to me that your everywhere Lala. Yea, I'm everywhere I'm supposed to be! I can't sit home and sulk. I can't afford to. There is too much life and love inside of me to be dormant, sad or depressed. The biggest lesson that I've learned through this season is that God would not hold anything good from you. If He hasn't released it maybe it's not good for you or the right time for it! I have been friend zoned soooo many times. Too many to count, but every single time I have witnessed God's overwhelmingly protection over my life. He loves me so much that He doesn't give me what I want, but gives me what I need at the exact moment that I need it! The very thought of this brought tears to my eyes and further solidified His love for me. Maybe you're friend zoned because you just need a friend. You need to know that there are good people in this world that are still single, emotionally available and on the market looking for you and me. Give it some time!

I'm maneuvering through this single season and it's not easy folks! Sometimes I'm empowered, other times I'm disappointed and confused, but through the process I have learned to put my full trust in God. I have released how I felt it should play out, how it should look and with whom I thought it should look like with. I'm learning how to date as a believer, as a woman who knows her worth and value. I'm setting boundaries. Fighting for what I deserve and not allowing someone else's confusion or dishonesty stop by purpose. I will continue to create moments, go where I am celebrated, wanted and where love resides. 

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has confessed that they like you, but not ready to be in a relationship and months later their in a relationship and not with you! Go figure! In this instance being in your feelings is understandable, but staying there is not. Sometimes the past comes back for another chance. Exploring it may feel fearful, but maybe God gave you another opportunity, because now is the time for that relationship!

While at Groove Thang Saturday night, my line-sister asked me when am I going to get married. That's the BIG QUESTION! I replied, I'm not sure LS, but I am sure that God is preparing me for it and it for me!

On Sunday, March 31 my parents will celebrate 35 years of marriage. They are my relationship goals, because they have stood the test of times, for better or for worst.

Catch Flights, Not Feelings

On most Valentine’s Day I would feel some type of way about being single, not being in a committed relationship or not having a romantic valentine or date. But, I can honestly say that this year was different. Call it growth, healing, self-love, attitude shift or not choosing to focus on what was lost and not yet discovered. I went within myself (yes that is a thing, according to my line-sister lol) and decided that I wasn't going to allow this day to devalue my worth as a woman or my desire to be loved in an eros type of way. I received beautiful gifts from my parents, my forever Valentines, put on something sexy, paired it with a Michael Kors red lip and celebrated my girlfriends Birthday that night! Happy Birthday Quisha!

Thick thighs saving lives

On Valentine’s Day, we often ponder the romantic love that we have yet to acquire or "that person" we desire to be in a relationship with, but they're not quite ready or simply not interested. As a successful businesswoman and professional you're left to pontificate, if we can maneuver through the marketplace successfully, we should be able to navigate love with the same temperament. Not so much! It's just not that simple for some. Since God is still writing my love story and I keep trying to make edits (no lie), I decided that this V-Day was going to be different for me.

Forget being in my feelings on this LOVE Day and weekend - I'm catching a WHOLE flight to San Francisco, California to spend time with my girlfriend and Soror Petula! Yeaa baby! ... And this was one of the best decisions I could make!

What catching flights, not feelings looks like!

We so eloquently coined this trip as #bosschicksonbreak! And break, dance, laugh, drink wine and more wine was what we did! If I could relive this past weekend, over and over again I would. We had a blast! 

From the scenic views, the beautiful people and their dogs, San Fran has a variety to offer. We enjoyed dinning and eating at Fisherman Wharf, China Live, Park Tavern, Chloe's and shopping in Union Square. We visited Napa Valley on Saturday and with much anticipation made it to three wineries - V. Sattui, Robert Mondavi and Domaine Chandon. V. Sattui gave us so much life! Or maybe it was our server Ed??? He kept the wine flowing and we brought the laughs and twerks.

Our friend Ed

We met a random stranger (a Cauicasian male) at Mustards Grill in the valley who was intrigued by our conversation about love. Who in turn is hopelessly in love himself. I guess love is on everyone's mind - male, female, white and black! Also, I now understand why the people in California are so dxmn happy and friendly! Blame it on the wine! 

V. Sattui Winery

 

Robert Mondavi Winery

 

Domaine Chandon Winery

Pretty much sums up our Napa Valley experience - We're Litty Lit!

What was most significant about this girls trip is that we realized, as women, we're experiencing the same struggles in love, career, friendship and family. We must understand that we deserve the love we graciously give to others and must be cognizant that this love is powerful and shouldn't be given away so easily. I'm aware that you should always lead with love, but I'm shifting my approach to not think with my heart, but move with my mind. Moving different all 2019!

Hey P!

On my flight back to South Florida, I sat next to a couple who had been married for 47 years. The wife asked me if I was married and solicited a prayer for her single seat-mate. Yesss, I need all of the prayer warriors for this one! I am declaring and believing that love will find it’s way to me and you, just as everything good and perfect gift from God has made it's way!

What Men Want

Hey boo! It's been a long time since I've written, 2015 to be exact! I only wanted to write when I had something valuable to share with my audience. Since my writing hiatus, I have launched two successful businesses -PrPl Miami and Petit Amour Brand, shameless plug! I have checked off some items on my bucket list, grown spiritually, increased my God-confidence, elevated my sense of style, read Michelle Obama's book Becoming (inspiring to say the least) and experienced a number of failed "situationships", you know those "relationships" that are not quite relationships, but situations because someone is not yet ready to commit. Gotta keep it honest in 2019! 

Last night, I had the privilege to catch an early screening of What Men Want starring Taraji P. Henson with some of my girlfriends at Aventura AMC. We cute or whateva!

 

I wanted to watch this movie to support FAMU's own Will Packer, the beautiful and talented Taraji and to gain some insight, because a sista is not winning in this category. I ask the poignant question, WHAT DO MEAN WANT?  I can hear uncle Steve Harvey purport, "we don't know what we want, you have to tell us what that is!" At 35, I'm still trying to answer this question. I have dated, "talked to", "friended" all types of men - blue collar, men divorced with kids, the cheater, the successful man, so successful they don't have time to date or should I say they don't create time to date, which presents a problem when your love language is quality time! I have been in the friend zone too many times to count, matter of fact I should have stock in the friend zone. Real talk! This phase is important in building a strong relationship built on trust, honesty and communication, but I never transition out of this phase. POR QUE NO? In my head, I'm like so you can talk to me like almost all day about almost everything, but that's it! I'm like Drake, NO NEW FRIENDS! I don't want to just be your friend dude! I have enough of them. I require more out of this situation then what you're giving me! 

I believe you get to the point in your singleness where you're just over it and you have no more ___ (insert explicative) left to give! Where you realize that you're a prize, an asset to any situation. You haven't quite given up on love, you just can't give energy to those who aren't ready to receive the capacity of love you have to give. Either they want to do date you or they don't, either they view you as more than a friend and they decide to pursue more or they don't. We all know that love is a choice. So many times in my past, I have chased after a man. I don't even know why. Because, I love love and at the time I was anxious and felt ready to be in a relationship. At the close of 2017, I decided that those days of chasing are ova honey! Because honestly, if he is led by God, he will be obedient to what God is telling him to do as it relates to me and us and he will allow God to order his steps to me or away from me. I am old fashion in this way. I want a man to pursue me, not because I want to play games, but because I want to know you have consciously made the decision to be in my life romantically. The scripture says that "A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing." Which means that he has to be searching for it! AHA! But what if he's not searching? What if this is the year that he decided to focus on his business and love is not on his calendar for 2019. Then, what do you do?

Whether married, divorced, single or it's complicated, self love is a universal language for women despite your relationship status. To answer the question above, what you do, is to continue to love yourself and put yourself first! You don't settle for a lack luster commitment. You travel, workout, go to brunch, open yourself to receiving the love that you require. I repeat, you don't settle! You live your best life, however that may look for you. You don't worry about society's time table on when you should be married and have kids. You maneuver through life your way and through your terms! 

There are some days where I am secure in my singleness, but this week was not that type of week! I shared this photo on social media, because I wanted to encourage my plus-sized sisters that beauty comes in all shapes, hues and sizes. I can honestly say that I love myself, whether single or dating!

I wanna leave you with this golden nugget.

GAME CHANGED!!!